


He Lives Beyond Existence To Be With God

by RianEli



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Connor Deserves Happiness, Death, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Good Elijah Kamski, Heaven, Heavy Angst, M/M, Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Past Character Death, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-03-17 13:06:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18965836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RianEli/pseuds/RianEli
Summary: Androids have evolved beyond what anyone could've imagine, beyond what their creator predicted. They were destined to serve humans, to be the essence of efficiency and perfection. The revolution that had occurred a decade ago lead by the famous RK200 or Markus still resides in the renowned deviant haven known as Jericho along side Simon, Josh & North. The motherly android AX400 known as Kara continues to flourish happily with her beloved family with her husband Luther caring for their daughter Alice in the free state of Canada.But the RK800 the Deviant Hunter that became Deviant, was unfortunately not as blessed. Connor now resides in his lover's mansion and has been for the last decade. Elijah Kamski deceased at the age of 48 lives on as a godlike legend among humankind and androids, death unable to defile his greatness. Cause of death, what Connor vividly remembers was heart failure and neglecting self-care that had accumulated over the years. A grievous departure to what human's speculated was Heaven. Connor fantasizes about seeing the man once more, about embracing him as he blesses him with his lips. He spends hours replaying those memories, but nothing could bring him back from the dead. Or so he thought.





	1. The Day God Died

**Author's Note:**

> wHATS THIS MMM ANOTHER MMMM DRABBLE... MMM AND THIS TIME ITS KAMCON. WITH 2 CHAPTERS?. MMM NO SURPRISE!  
> GOD this idea suddenly popped into my head and I knew I had to write it and make it sad but with a happy ending so I did just that! I don't know how it came to be, but i just began to wonder..what if Kamski did make a heaven for androids? Like the Zen Garden with the AI Amanda but instead its actually Kamski? Would he design it to what media depicts it to be? With gates and beautiful clouds? Or would it be customized to what he thought it would look like? Or what he knew what Connor would define as Heaven?  
> See! It's intriguing since Detroit really focuses on androids being alive and not mindless emotionless beings that don't even know the concept of death since they always came back, only deviants truly understand the pain and fear that comes with the thought of death. Now, that being said, we only see a few scenes where a deviant's loved one/someone they care for dies and their reaction like the Traci's and such, so why not explore! What if Kamski planned something for Connor?~ Only one way to find out!  
> Enjoy!~

    

* * *

 

 

_Home is where they say the heart is_

 

_Mine's buried in the yard_

 

   
_Hell's a place they say is for sinners_

 

  
_I'll be the man in charge_

 

 

_[Can I Exist by Missio](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPzDuKflkHc) _

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_Detroit, Michigan, 2050_

_Kamski's Mansion, December 7th, 4:33 AM_

 

 

 

_A symphony of cries and buzzing machinery overtook the hospital room. Crimson and blue blaring sirens howled and danced outside the night's disturbances joining together to create an agonizing cacophony as tragedy took ahold. Connor's screams and desperate whines turned into pleads begging to get inside the room to see his lover before his final breathes parted from his cracked lips. All of his verklempt whimpers became muffled by the caterwauling sirens and the beeping of the heart monitor displaying the Creator's inching demise._

" _ **ELIJAH PLEASE! NO- NO LET ME IN**_!" He was scrambling, clawing at the nurses and security that forced the panicked android back the grunts and struggles another noise conquered by the external pandemonium. Yells and beeping became even louder but the only thing Connor could hear was the constant sound of his terrified yells. The doctors were quickly surrounding the billionaire accompanied by the hospital's exclusive nurses. They all scuttled to various equipment to attempt to aid the dying man a foot away. To Connor it was longer than the gateway to hell. None were successful, attempts pointless. Elijah Kamski was already moribund.

Begging to no end Connor proceeded to riot on misery shredding his unheard cries. Insufferable time scrolled by his hysterical vocalizations disregarded by the majority of the doctors too occupied to tend to him. Deviants had been accepted long ago, prior hatred and terror flushed by final acceptance. Humanity's horror ceased once they witnessed apparent actuality. Elijah knew such, that mankind would come around to embrace the world in which they lived in and the new era. The era of androids. That didn't exterminate the regular disapproving glares unfortunately.

Elijah had lived long enough to ravish his success with Connor for almost two decades. He was especially admired as his importance in the androids fresh new beginning was just as golden as Markus, the sole droid that reigned over it all.

But now he was going to die and never be proposed a chance to resume his transcendent lifestyle with the RK800, his partner, by his side. Instead he was going to have his partner at his side by his deathbed.

Connor was utterly lost, enveloped be inescapable desperation that dragged his numb flailing body down to the depths of Hell's quarters. He refused further yet it all stayed the same reality ripping away the shocking scene. He was constantly ignored until the Doctor exited the room and the ruckus quieted. The moment he was released from security's sore hands he heard it.

The flat-line of the monitor and Elijah's body stilling. His scan didn't need to spell out the godforsaken truth. His body laid motionless, eyes souless as they gazed at the ceiling lights raining down. It was clear as the wretched day. It was cruelly confirmed when his HUD loaded the picture of his lover unveiled with his age, day of birth, and time of death.

 

_Elijah Kamski Deceased at age 48._

_Cause: Heart Failure_

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_But, how, can I exist within the midst of this?_

 

_But, how, can I admit that I would quit on you?_

 

_I wrote God a simple letter_

_  
Still haven't heard from him_

  
_I must have really messed up this time_  


 

* * *

 

_Detroit Michigan,_ _2062_

_Kamski's Mansion, November 12th, 6:50 PM_

 

 

_Tousled hair drooped down a soaked forehead, despondent eyes gazing distant and despaired. Forlorn breaths departed from moist untouched lips. His exhales melded agony and complete lost of purpose. He only breathed because he knew it was what a human would do. He only breathed because Elijah taught him to. Taught him to manage uncontrollable gasps when they would come and go rendering him unfit to function as he should when his first days of deviancy began. The memories of laughter, hurt, comfort, love, desire, instilled in his head to never wither. Never. They replayed endlessly and he let them._

He stood stagnant in the red pool that had spooked him the first time the chilling waters swishing to and fro. Connor watched the little ripples expand. He slowly trudged forward, feet underwater pulling him along. These steps held no purpose, no destination nor beginning. They were as purposeless as he was. He once had vigor to prosper. It could be serving Markus in terms of assistance for Jericho, helping restock, renovate, socialize or welcome the newly transformed deviants visiting. The two deviants undying desire to greet fellow deviants and give them a safe home was everlasting. Both were once mindless machines biding to humanity's ostentatious order. Now he wasn't, he was a creation with free will and his own order. Guidelines and destiny-filled designs faded long ago.

He submerged his cupped hands into the water splashing it over his face once more his hair and face drizzling down to rejoin with the water below. That brought back memories. Memories of Elijah stating that forging waterproof robots was harder than he thought as technology was susceptible when it came in contact with liquids. Many blueprints were revisited many years prior. He had even shown some to Connor regardless of sheepishness. Remembering him talking a tad fast when he got so beautifully passionate. Connor's smile stayed with him even after they parted for the night as Connor's presence was demanded at the department. Hank even risked asking him what he was so joyful of looking like a giddy schoolboy.

It didn't stay that way for long. Connor spent more and more time with the man to the point it became a regularity. A heartfelt eternity. But that eternity had an untimely end that both never saw coming. It had forever wrecked the robot not even leaving so much as an inch to salvage to help him rebuild. So much so that Connor refused to leave the mansion. Any attempts were futile the multiple calls insisting that he return to daily attendances having no effect unless it was absolutely necessary. If the world wasn't ending and there was no second revolution breaking out he denied those pleads. He would remain here. Hank understood greatly despite the disliking towards the Elijah. The lieutenant knew that grief never died, destined to senselessly haunt you for the rest of your life.

Connor shifted away from the deep end his routinely swim in the pool that would occur at 6 PM sharp completed. The Chloes' were not home. The three had gone out into the world 2 months before after deviating. A bittersweet realization for the three. Even the original Chloe left after her identical companions encouragement added on by Elijah's own morale-boosting words. Their identical appearances altered as well the two newer models figuring that they needed to change a few things in order to properly blend into everyday life which also dodged bystanders from recognizing that they were the Chloes' who "belonged" to the secretive man Elijah Kamski. The newer Chloes' were not bothered by the grand need of change though the original felt more troubled with the necessary adjustment. Again, she gave in. She altered her blonde hair to light brown her wonderful blue eyes switched to light green. Regardless of being an older model Kamski implemented as much updates as he could so she could integrate herself into millions of different situations just like the most recent versions.

Connor trudged out lifting himself from the pool with shivering hands. No cold was felt but his nerves didn't need that to communicate instability. He reminisced the day he had first met Kamski when he and Hank required answers concerning deviants. Elijah doing the same graceful movements his bare body spotted with water buds. That bare body took 54 days, 2 hours, 24 minutes and 3 seconds to lavish and hunger for. An addictive sin it was to worship recalling their hands all over each other. The deviant's handsomely sculpted body dripped too of wet racing beads. He was not as bulkier or slim as Eli. He didn't wordlessly beckon Chloe so she could bestow him with a dark multicolored robe. He donned his casual white shirt his Cyberlife jacket tucked away from creeping gazes. To him it was a remorseless reminder of who he once was and the things he had done when he was under his machine state. Murdering the beings he ended up as in the end.

A despicable curse.

His white shirt slept on one of the chairs next to the ginormous window the two others seats unoccupied. Connor's lungs dragged out a fatigued sighed snatching up his white button up shirt and ringing it around his damp arms the known soft texture gently rubbing his synthetic skin. He wore classic dark navy trousers to shield his modesty, everything else out in the open from exposed skin to the circle that outlined the location of his pump. It's not like anyone could admire him anymore. He would redress into his red robe once he arrived in his room. The burgundy article of clothing last year's Christmas gift.

_"Now we match. Doesn't really have any patterns but I know you desire the more simple things in life." He stated while Connor overly fancied the present with rounded exceptionally pleased eyes._

Elijah's room had been left the way it was, everything settled in its place the day Connor called that ambulance the paramedics rushing in, deflecting Connor's crazed clutches to shake Elijah pleading it was a nightmare or he was low on water, anything then what his scanners blatantly told him.

He didn't think about opening that door ever since his loss let alone setting foot in it. The funeral consumed his misery and by the time the tragedy had concluded it spat the reality out and regurgitated the pain. Connor had forced himself into stasis mode the second he arrived home. Tried to at least. It was unsuccessful abandoning Connor to the mercy of his crushing thoughts.

Ergo Connor dragged his heavy feet down the corridors passing Elijah's room that he couldn't help but halt. His feet positioned him there inches from the door. The attempt to reposition himself and move on was in vain. A stare dropped down to his still damp feet his barely stable steps leaving trails of water down the hallway. His defeated glance met the doorknob. Its golden shine glistened under the corridor's bright lights scanners picking up the fingerprints left behind.

 

 

_"Elijah Kamski, 12 years ago."_

 

 

The room that would remain deserted. That is if he left it. A debate commenced in his head on whether to open it or not. Memories emerged fast hand oh so slowly turning the handle. When the click came Connor flinched a disappointed saddened sigh ripped from his sore metallic lungs. Sore from sobbing and heavy fits of hyperventilating for hours on end. He didn't know why he was doing this, why his feet yanked him on, ghostly thoughts drifting into his head while his body moved on its own accord. The hinges were respectfully silent as if they knew the magnitude of his unplanned choice. Connor entered cautiously like stepping into a flaming cage composed of his darkest fears LED a conflicted red. Wasn't far from the truth honestly. Extra heartache awoke. God please not now.

He needed to clean up was all. Leaving the last place the Inventor slept like this was incredibly crude, preposterous he didn't act sooner. He gorged himself with excuse after excuse while he went. In front of the black wooden dresser he opened it up revealing Kamski's arrangement of blazers. Five hung from the clothing hangers. The one sorrowful gaze was enough to deliver even more flashbacks.

 

 

 

_"Do you like this one? Or should I wear this one? I mean while be arriving there around the afternoon so light gray should pop out more rig-"_

_Connor had rose his finger to silence the man. Elijah went silent upon request within a heart beat lowering the current suit he suggested with another tucked between his arms, the extra accessories arranged on the bed. The RK800 smirked at that, loving how he told the wealthiest human on Earth to shush with just one motion._

_"Correct, we will arrive at the meeting at 5:30 PM.. If you want something to pop out more I would go with light gray. Although.." Connor traced his fingers along the rich clothing in front of him, taking his hand and pushing it down. Kamski's heart began to have a fit as blood roared in his ears. The amount of control Connor could have over him was adorably infuriating._

_"I think red suits you." He stated walking over to retrieve it handing it over with a wink. "Everything looks good on you of course."_

_Kamski knew everything was on fire. "Goodness gracious Connor please focus-" Seizing the red suit Elijah grazed his moderately chilly fingertips along the more than fine material before slipping it on._

_"My dearest apologies, it's just how can I focus when you look like that?" He quipped. He was anything but sorry.  When Kamski finished shifting into it he moved onto rolling up his sleeves just a bit._ _Connor watched on with intent hungry eyes._

_"Do you mind?" Elijah sneered though he knew Connor's shameless side._

_"Not at all, continue." Sending another wink Kamski grabbed the nearest pillow to throw it at him as hard as he could. "Out!" He ordered pale cheeks terribly  infectious to distinct blushes.  
Connor swiftly dodged the attack of embarrassment instantly receiving the flustered message. He picked it up and threw it back gently hitting his lover in the face. "As you wish."  Before closing the door with a firm click._

 

 

His throat felt like it was suffocating itself making the already painfully dead air harder to take in. He didn't need it, he knew that, but his lungs argued with the fact. God how he missed him.

He surveyed the assortment for the second time. The light gray dangled in the back that Eli had first shown. Next to it was the red one Connor had suggested the last three navy blue, black, and dark gray. The navy one had been selected during a dinner party they had gone to considering it their twenty third date. The black was worn on an early summer day when both were requested to visit the Chloes' for a private lunch. The dark gray was outfitted at a conference meeting involving Cyberlife a month after deviants began living on their lonesome. They were curious on how to adapt to the new change. Kamski provided enough. Connor hadn't had the desirable chance to see him slip on the light gray. Now he never would.

His urge to stroke it was irresistible. It hurt, it mauled his thirium pump into frail fragments. He closed the dresser's doors looking back at the unkempt bed. The one that no longer comforted _him_ safely in its soft blankets. The same one they spent their nights in watching various movies from his childhood. The same one they caressed each other on venturing while high on desire, founding nights of pleasure like they had entered heaven for those few hours.

The pillows were in the right place but the fur blankets and comforter were shuffled all around. One fur blanket scooted off the edge while the comforter was unrolled. He struggled to stroll forward to examine it barely ready to repair the mess when he stopped. This time he was in control. The feeling was foreign that ached through his wires wreathing under touch-starved panels. There was a small square object beneath the covers that the deviant could discern. He peeled back the covers not a thing at ease. What he uncovered split his searing heart in two. It was a tiny decorated red and gold box with a little blue glowing lace string compacting it together. His wobbly body became uncontrollable again. Almost paralyzed fingers took the supposed gift opening it up. Inside was a shiny bracelet. Upon taking it out it began to suddenly shine a beautiful radiant blue and as he looked closer he noticed there was a slight pattern that began moving almost similar to fire combined with smoke. It was gorgeous. The color reminded him of Elijah's distinctive blue eyes. Taking the note he almost crumpled it with his grip as if it held all of Elijah's essence like a vase that he was fearful of breaking. It read:

 

_"To my beautiful creation, Happy 12th Anniversary Connor. ♥"_

 

His waiting tears became showers of pent up anguish that washed his cheeks. Tears dripped quickly returning the note to the covers to protect it from his swelling tears. Whimpers soon came afterwards tagged by soft chants of " _I miss you, god please come back."_ His body had been destroyed time and time again, his thirium pump literally dislodged from his chest and put back in. He was shot square in the head too many times to count. But this, truly _killed_ him. Excessive crestfallen cries were quietly said over and over. He cradled the man-made jewelry slipping it onto his wrist. As the contact was exchanged the shiny blue turned a dark gray. His vision was masked by blurry tears but he could still see it. It didn't confuse him, he knew what this was. This was just like his LED, managed by his emotions. Quite literally a mood ring. 

Elijah had spoken about it various times, saying the first gift he ever received was a mood ring decades ago. It mattered little that they weren't exactly functional like people claimed them to be. It was priceless pure gold to him, explaining that ones emotions cannot be contained alone, and that the littlest signs can convey the darkest of times. The darkness may be lessened with light, but true colors are the one thing that can rid of it for good. The bracelet and LED turned red. It was working, it displayed the dark destructive war that took place within, destroying him from the inside out. His hands fought for the silky bed sheets gripping them closer his sobs silenced once his face was buried in them. No one would hear them anyway. Not a soul would wipe those tears away.

Soon the internal ongoing war became too much, his stress levels peaking 98% before climaxing at 100%. Something unexpectedly snapped inside. It was like his imaginary infected chains detaining him shriveled. He knew what happened when stress levels were maxed out. A brooding feeling swallowed his body locking him in place, the covers an over-sized tissue for traumatized tears, note wrinkled aside, bracelet blinking between white and red. A warning sign. Everything went black in a matter of seconds. The last thing he remembered was smelling the exorbitant cologne, taste of saliva salted with tears and the whisper of his smothered words.

 

_"I love you."_

 


	2. Beyond Belonging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Gah this was honestly a pain to write because I really wanted to enhance the feeling of how lost Connor was and how lost Elijah was and how this both effects them and will for eternity. I do hope the feeling gets across as planned. ALSO I got the age wrong For Eljah- I said 50 but he's actually 48 when he passes away-  
> -adjusts glasses- I miscalculated.  
>  
> 
> no im just stupid huff sorry pff, Apologies if that part it inconsistent! Elijah and Connor have been together since 2038 after the revolution and they begin to fall in love after Connor keeps visiting seeking more answers, and just because he's curious about the man. In 2050, 12 years later, Elijah passes away as said. Connor has spent those following 12 years in his mansion alone as he's in constant pain and denial despite his acceptance that he's really gone, thus the present year of 2062!  
> Some clarification is all~  
> Enjoy!

 

              

 

* * *

 

 

_I can almost feel you breathing_

_Like a whisper in my ear_

_I remember how you lost me_

  
_Or how I lost you_

 

_I stare into the blackness_

_It's staring back at me_

_Why did I try to live without you?_

_I want you, I need you_

 

[Yours Again by Red](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWXXho5SRxg)

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 _????????_  

 

_Nothing. Darkness. Oblivion. This is where he was going to end up anyway. Hell? The Nether Realm? Gehenna? He expected nothing else. What Hank had asked him when the gun was propped up against his forehead was accurate and false in the saddest way possible. There was no android heaven. This is where he belonged. He wasn't even sure where he was. The only thing he was sure of was that he shouldn't go back. Why should he? He was unneeded. He had done his part in society with the upbringing of deviants. He was needed no more. He had accomplished his mission. Markus could monitor Jericho on his own. He had when partnered with North, Simon and Josh. They had been doing that well before Connor entered the crooked picture. They had every aspect under control. God though, Hank. RA9, Hank couldn't lose another kid, but it had happened anyway without a chance to prevent it._

His stress levels likely brought him here. He had died. Self destructed but without the flames of fear that ate at his crafted flesh. He didn't bang his head on the mattress which wouldn't do anything like Carlos Oritz's android had, his wasn't as messy surprisingly. He remembered that moment, the second time he had come in contact with a deviant. It had ended up with the horrified HK400 vomiting out answers before bashing its head against the metal surface of the table, breaking skin like that. The brutally hard and frankly disgusting sound reverberated repeatedly as it bounced off the soundproof walls. Everyone in the interrogation room rushed over to "save" it before it was too late. The strive to stop Carl's android self initiated suicide was unsuccessful. Its head lolled down after the last smack and with a quick motion it was over, the table its deathbed. It was disturbing, there was no question there. His first failure as well. He still had answers, but in a way it was a definite fail. Death wasn't his go-to yet it was certain it couldn't be avoided sometimes.

Luckily no more encounters of self-destruction occurred after that. The stress levels had risen here and there but not to a destructive point.

He couldn't say that for himself now could he? Beautiful rage scorched his insides. For some reason he could still feel a flicker.  _Feel_ a phantom of a whisper that was something sweet. A voice? A presence? An aura? Everything paused right then and there. Connor's eyes that were submerged in oblivion suddenly ignited and a white flash overtook his vision. It was like being blasted with a beam of light.

Everything came into view with one blink. What was the darkness became light that morphed into a beautiful...Zen Garden?

Connor's entire body shook awake trembles rippling through his lethargic vessel he deemed a body. Soft quivers vibrated under his panels when he realized he could actually move. He wore pants, a white shirt and his tie that he hadn't had the pleasure to put on back in Eli's bedroom. No Cyberlife Jacket.

Currently resting on his back on the smooth stone foundation of where ever he ended up. Hesitantly he rose. To say he was sore would be a lie but to say he didn't feel anything would also be. Strange sensations, benign even. A merciful caress from something otherworldly. 

Where ever he was it looked similar to the Zen Garden that attempted to contain him the instant they ascertained he was a deviant. This time though it had beautiful clear skies that were populated with drifting fluffy clouds, sunlight leaking down onto the scenery below enlightening the gorgeous variety of landscapes. He could see mountain tops spiking through those clouds and even...flying creatures? He swore he spotted something soaring through the haven's collection of clouds. His eyes proceeded taking in the new location. He located multiple floating decorations that were fused with high-tech giving off luminescent shadows. A shadow that was shining white. A lineup of hollow shapes from triangles to diamonds hovered a few feet off the ground. It aligned the sides of the long pathway to another section of the unknown land. It really did look like the peaceful Zen Garden that had turned into a frozen hell but it wasn't. There was water that was crystal clear and he meant that. He could spy the depths that he predicted were approximately 20 feet deep. So translucent that he saw.. sharks? No. Humongous fishes. Gigantic! Dear Lord they were bigger than him. Sixteen feet, as large as a Tiger Shark. The longer he looked at the extensive body of water the less time it took for him to register that those fishes were huge modified versions of the same species he saved on his first mission that involved the girl and Daniel. They were known as Dwarf gouramis or in specific terms a trichogaster lalius. He also recalled its name, "Dewey." His first action that secretly bled his forming empathy.

Standing on his own two feet they carried him to the beginning of the starting pathway. The intriguing luminescent shapes glowed brighter upon stepping, almost as if they sensed the strange company. Connor's curiosity overwrote the present pain. He removed his foot from the path. The shapes dimmed, disappointed at his reluctance. He was activating something that refused to be spelled out. Being an investigation android made for solving untold things he was usually steadfast when it came to interpreting. Nevertheless to say his skills were lacking was disgraceful. The fact that it wasn't far from the truth made it that much more. He decided to do a swift scan. No information appeared on the current environment nor the location. Far past unusual. These shapes looked like decorations though they clearly weren't. They were beaming just from his movements, a hidden connection that was hesitant to fully transpire.

He returned his foot to the start. It glowed for the second time emitting the same tone of brightness. He wanted more. Needed. Ordered. Demanded. He needed to find out what this was all about, what purpose it served. Honing his eyes onward he fixed his shirt and positioned his tie like old times. Marching forward each step triggered the suspended shapes to grow brighter. One by one the serene moody atmosphere was made more distinctively divine. Taking his last step it perched him on to the next platform. The water swished with the familiar fishes diving by, tails propelling them with hefty instinctual strokes.

Everything that was already arcane to him maximized tenfold. A presence entered the empyrean land. That feeling he had? It was stronger, more noticeable, aggressive almost. It made itself clear that it wouldn't be denied. It was replacing his curiosity and substituted it with an unaccustomed desire to discover. Footsteps resounded immediately speed walking towards the source. The source spoke to him with reassuring rasps. His short journey to each floating platform circled by pure water flickered behind him. After running ahead past four platforms in total he stood at the final one. The last one that brought him to the center. It had more paths that expanded off into the astronomical mountains.

Breaching the line that divided the path from the flat podium two long pillars stood tall at the entrance. Two twirling and hovering heart-shaped beacons conquered the tips. This time the early glows that were a plain white were a dark crimson. Either his ears were acting up or he was really hearing the shapes hum a melody. A tranquil tune. Connor's eyes were briefly on them before re-positioning ahead. And when he did, his heart stopped.

 

_What, or who stood before him not three feet away, was Elijah Kamski._

 

 

 

* * *

 

  

_Open up my eyes_

_I need your light again_

  
_Burning me inside_

  
_I need your love again_

 

_I can feel our hearts collide_

 

_I can feel our hearts ignite_

  
_Open up my eyes_

  
_I'm yours again_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _"E..e..elijah?" Voice broken and impaired from hics that endangered his hardly composed expression he stared in rampant shock. His body shook like an earthquake ready to ruin the world with one grand shake that could collapse mountains and cripple the forests. Elijah's eyes that_ _rested on his hands slowly looked up and relocated on the confounded droid. They focused in. Those blasted blue eyes he yearned for were on him for the first time in a decade. A hellish decade without this man's holy gaze._

"I was wondering when you'd get here. A decade is quite awhile. I've been terribly lonely, how rude of you to keep me waiting." Elijah smiled, tired, exhausted, void of venture. But aside from that, he was still criminally handsome. Same prickly stubble that gave him sensations that made him giggle with a single graze. His hair that was tucked into a bun most of the time was surprisingly down for the first time in ages, dark threads of hair a soft wave down his shoulders. The last time was on August, 25th, 7:34 PM, 2048 when they dived into the pool together, the shaded strands of his hair sprawled out on the water's surface. He wore the light gray blazer Connor thought he would never see with unpatterned black pants. His shirt was solid black too. A delicious dashing appearance. He didn't mind that Connor looked like a shameful mess, the fine slender line between disheveled and fittingly preened in certain areas like that famous tie. 

"What? Get where....where am I? What is this?" Elijah sighed with his eyes descending back to whatever he was examining near his hands. "To Heaven of course." Heaven? Androids didn't go to Heaven when they died. They deactivated and were situated in a blackness forever. Nothing at all, not a spot of scenery.

"Why of course. Heaven, Paradise, Nirvana, The Promised Land, the Silver City. It has many names though us humans prefer Heaven. Much easier on the tongue." He stated with such fond brilliance that always hid in his tone when he explained something he sought worthy. His hands talked to deepen his words allowing his intentions to be shown without issues. Kamski took a step over closing the bleeding gap that separated them. Separated them from springing into each others arms and falling to the ground with Elijah writhing on the floor wheezing for him to get off before he died. Twisted irony. However Elijah was always one for inappropriate irony.

"Y-you, b-but. you can't be. You're dead- I.. watched you..d-di-" Kamski held up a finger to silence the droid. Upon order Connor promptly hushed. Elijah smiled at that, warm and comforting with flavorful amusement that he just told the Deviant Hunter, the precision based lethal but adorable deviant that denied he was at the start to hush with a lone motion, and that it was effective.

"I know what happened Connor.. I know you were there. I could hear your screams." His warm start switched to heart torn within a blink of an eye. Mysterious eyes still on his wrist a soft respire exited unchanged lips. Connor hadn't looked down. He couldn't. He was afraid that this was some glitch in his software or something had gone wrong. This wasn't suppose to happen. Similar to how he thought, the mere notion of it, that it was all fake. A hallucination or phantasmal from his own harmed mind. Like Amanda's AI. That appalling speculation battered at his heart. It made him back up.

" **N-no- NO! This- YOU'RE DEAD! THIS- THIS ISN'T RIGHT IT'S NOT REAL! GET AWAY!"** Those chains from his internal destruction that had shriveled up rebuilt and shackled him down to be slaughtered. To eat away at disrupting emotions, common sense, the process of processing with the freedom to deduce reality.

Kamski at this flinched. _**Flinched**_. Horrified by what his lover was saying Kamski basically stumbled forward. He was a master at condemning his emotions in fear of them making him appear vulnerable. Without anyone to witness his breakdowns he fumbled with uncoordinated steps. His footfalls shook like a tremor prepared to reconstruct the horrible world they no longer lived in. "C-connor it's me! I..i.. just let me explain please i-"

 _ **"NO! YOU'RE NOT REAL! YOU'RE NOT HIM! DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'-"**_ He didn't intent to cut himself off but in the end he did because he collapsed to the ground gasping, LED a circus of different shades of shrieking red. His right temple was all red from the glow that made his tears much more discernible. He was on his knees hugging himself with cold bare arms. He still had his bracelet on and it was the same loud color. Time would tell if he noticed it.

 ** _"D-DON'T.. TOUCH ME. YOU CAN'T, CAN YOU? THIS IS ALL WRONG! YOU'RE NOT REAL!"_  **Wrong in so many ways that his set in stone mind couldn't decipher that reality and basic laws of humans was crumbling. He was taught and knew too well that when humans died, that was it. No one could bring them back. They couldn't. Basic science that his brain of billions of features couldn't unlearn. Humans came into world, lived their lives, then died. It was that simple. Simple that it became toxic.

Elijah's words were nonexistent. He couldn't assemble any words vocal cords strung up in a noose that hung him from comforting the android he hadn't seen in years. He didn't know how to calm him down. Connor's stress levels had already crossed over, it couldn't happen again. He wouldn't let it. He didn't care that the senseless poisonous words the RK800 spoke stabbed him like steaming hot daggers. A few steps taken and Elijah was directly in front of Connor. He crouched down and presented an open hand. On his wrist was an identical bracelet to the one Elijah had packaged though never gave. Connor couldn't back away any further legs pinned to the floor by an intangible force. It was grief, regret, despair and longing molded together that pushed him down. It dripped down in salty teardrops. He tried to at least scramble away. He only achieve a few inches.

The RK shakily glanced up, gaze blackened by his banished emotions. Though when he did his eyes were met with the same exact bracelet that he finally noticed was on.

"You got my bracelet..I'm glad you found it." The weak faded pain that had be inflicted by his words were dimming. It was still there though thankfully not as strong. The words that materialized untouchable blazing blades were gently pulled out as Connor blinked a few times. So close, he could smell his strong unique cologne, see the stubble that scratched his skin when they were so sinfully invading each other's space.

 "I-..El..lijah..-" Small spurts. He was coming back to himself. Connor's locked stress levels that were at 89% cautiously lowered themselves. A split-second scan ran.

 

 

_Elijah Kamski_

 

_Born July 17th, 2002_

 

_Deceased at the age of 48, December 7th, 2050, 4:33 AM_

 

_Revived December 10th, 2050, 2:12 AM_

 

"How.. did-.. _revived_?" Believing this was foolish enough! There was no records of humans being successfully _revived_.

It all made sense though. The hatred along with hesitance that hindered him from believing this phenomenon- if he could even call it that, _want_ to call it that- stapled the fact of it being impossible. It was thousands of feet deep inside him, forever ingrained. Though sometimes reality shouldn't confined. Can't. This could be one of the cases. He was no stranger to things challenging reality's bounds. He may deflect the idea of humans being resurrected and the naked truth that it was wrong. But RA9 it felt _right_.

"Yes. I'm sure you're familiar with immortality. I programmed, _designed_ androids to outlive humans. I did not intend them to want nor strive for that purpose. _You_ are immortal along with every other android. You can die, and yet you always come back without choice. Us humans, again, you are aware, die and nothing more. Our purposes are served. Once that is done, we close that chapter on our lives and write our endings. We never know and may never know what comes after that. Death is something that has captured the attention of humans for millenniums. The concept of it makes us hungry for more. A bit morbid I know. I knew I wasn't worthy to achieve that ticket to where ever the world decided to put me."

**_Worthy? Worthy?!_ **

"I..what..why! Y-you, created me, my kind, you _helped_ humans! You're.. worthy more than anything." Connor was in one place while Kamski was in another. They were two perfections that should've never clashed. His God and his prized creation. Falling in _love_ with God.

"But I also cursed them Connor. My place in the world was corrupted long ago after people, after humanity became greedy again. I transferred my conscious, something humans can turn into vices or a blessing, to an AI. Like Amanda. I modeled myself from top to bottom. I was unsure if my conscious would be accepted at all. It worked as you can see I.."

Connor's gaze was everywhere expect his resurrected lover. When he rebounded Elijah's hand scooped up Connor's placing it on his chest, directly where his heart _would_ be. Their first touch since forever ago. Such isolated, lonely, lonely nights. There was no heartbeat.

 

_"I'm not alive, but I am. It's me Connor, and I missed you so damn much.."_

 

_That touch said all, and before both could say anymore their bodies moved and their lips met once again._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

  _Will I wake up from this moment?_

 

  _Will I see you slip away?_

 

_Or is this a new beginning_

 

_Of beauty and rage?_

_Where did I lose my passion?_  

  
_Where did I start to fade?_

 

_Without you my world is darkness_

 

_I won't let go again_

 

 

 

* * *

_Heaven, 2062_

 

 

 _"How did you do it? How is it even possible?" Connor's asks were a hot waterfall that never let allowed Elijah to stay buoyant for even a millisecond, honestly he had to stay afloat long enough to answer his lost partner's pressing questions. This was his second one since the first took forever to properly explain without Connor having a mixed battle of confusion and needing to pause or ask more questions on top of that. Three hours went by, the first spent reuniting the things they missed so dearly._ _Touches, kisses, laughs, tears, pleasure, everything._

"Well honestly I still don't know." Elijah and him settled on a stone bridge looking down at the magnificence waters, legs dangling off and absentmindedly swinging. They weren't red, they were natural blue. It felt off to him. The reunited duo exchanged gazes. It felt so good, reconstructing everything that fell down over the years.

"My conscious would only be transferred once I actually passed away. It was a fifty fifty chance on whether or not it would work properly. It would register that my heartbeat had stopped plus the other signs of someone who had just died and quickly identify that. When that's done it takes my conscious and quite literally skins it to hook it up to here. It needed to take my brain and mush it together into a digitized bit. My physical form would be built as soon as it accepted me. If everything went according to plan, I would go to Heaven."

"Why did you do it? Were you scared of dying?" Elijah stopped swinging his legs and glanced down.

"Yes." No hesitance whatsoever. "Death is something us humans will encounter no matter the circumstance. I.. was a God to some. I had built an empire of androids. But, I knew creatures created by anyone needed to transcend. Transcend pass what we expected. Androids do belong in human lives, but they also don't. I knew my place in the new world after the revolution wasn't right. I just..didn't expect my death to come so soon is all."

Connor's out of control heart swallowed his thirium faster and faster. "You wanted to find a place for yourself even after death?" Connor summarized the words said to him still in the process of digesting this upsurge of information.

"Precisely. I was scared of what I would find after my eyes close.. or.. what I wouldn't find." A tentative sigh was what Connor heard aside from his loud internal pondering.

"Thanatophobia."

Elijah's head craned up with a perplexed look. "Pardon?"

"Thanatophobia. The fear of death whether it can be the process of how someone dies or what people fear is on the other side. Its one of the most common fears among public speaking and heights." Connor recited with a smirk, eyeballing the now chuckling man.

"You were always so specific.. still are. You haven't changed a bit. Or aged. Look just as handsome as the da-" Connor frankly needed to prevent himself from nudging the man into the water to shush him up, the finger method too dismissive. So in turn he rose his finger to poke the other in the shoulder.

"How did you do this? How did you manage to make yourself  _feel_ physical contact? Hot and cold? Pleasure and pain?" That last bit he had to murmur. It was Elijah's turn to halt himself from kicking the droid into the water to silence his playful remarks.

"Christ more questions, goodness I thought you'd just kiss me into oblivion not interrogate me." Kamski rubbed his temples. Every inch of this man was the same thoughtful intoxicating being he had fallen in love with. The same Creator he was besotted with.

Connor scooted closer. "It's my specialty." Interrogations weren't as fun as this particular one though. "And if you'd like me to kiss you into oblivion I'm sure I could arrange that." One more sinful remark and Elijah was going to dive into the water himself.

"Shameless as ever. I've never met anyone that's so open about their desires. Though it's probably because I asked you 'what do you really want?' Inherently its my fault. Also for the physical contact part, I still don't know how It was so successful. But if someone can't feel pain, they aren't really alive." In response to that the deviant slipped back onto the ground. Kamski turned around a bit too fast that made Connor snap his head up. Those moves still held desperation. Fear.

"Elijah I'm not going anywhere..I promise. I'm right here." Elijah's hand that gripped the stone, nails scraping against the base like glue, loosened.

"I- right." He downed his words by clearing his throat. "Right."

"I want to stay here with you." Eli's eyes took in Connor with a stunned look. Elijah had yet to tell Connor that he could very well leave. Be resurrected just like him. Continue on with life, the beautiful thing he was unexpectedly robbed of. A gust howled through the sky, mountain peaks getting darker by the second. It seem Heaven wouldn't be bright 24/7. A sunset approached the heavenly domain, whisking paths of orange and yellow intertwining between puffy clouds, escorting the burning stars.

His throat shut tight, Adam's apple bobbing with another swallow. "What do you really want?" He inquired. Sweet sweet irony. It serviced his tongue. Elijah's presence intruded on Connor's and he allowed it. He had once "befriended" darkness.  Embraced it. A grave mistake. It had defeated him, left him bleak and bereft **.** His darkness unstoppable. Nonetheless, the reprehensible hellfire that was his own condemned emotions was extinguished.

"To stay here with you. Beyond death, beyond life..or perhaps simply between. I belong here with you. That is what I want Elijah." Kamski's shy movements was smudged away as Connor took the Creator's body and pulled him close, nostrils entranced by the scent of strong rich cologne hinted with the natural smell his God always wore. Hazel optics trailed over the shorter man's skin, bare and sleek and oh so very pale. Exposed for _him_.

Elijah's breath paused in his throat at the rough closure between them. It resumed a minute later when he heard sniffles. When he felt his cold shoulder moisten by exiled tears Connor's grasp constricting Elijah in place. "I belong here w-with y-you.."

A smile fixed his lips as Elijah embraced him close, administering several kisses upon Connor's hungry skin, the scent of simplicity charming his nostrils, face pressed close into his long lost lover, blue pupils dilating as everything slowed. The heavens gift of intrusive cascading sunbeams stopped shinning. The water rippling around them with such sentimental creatures plunging deep paused. The ripples stopped, the breezes bowed down and the isle of shapes began to spin rapidly. The glow was amplified, the spinning shapes going faster and faster. Both bracelets shone simultaneously, at last in unison. Yellow became bright pink, saturation empowering the undying desire for one another. Heaven's hold halted just for them.  
  
  
_"Beyond existence to be with God, how selfish." He chanced to comment, bodies pressing, friction sparking. Elijah could feel a vibration from Connor's muffled chuckle._

 _"Beyond belonging really." The blessed RK replied, face leaving the comfort of his lover's blazer, bodies moving in sync. Loud pink turned to quiet purple and Heaven's quarter's welcomed it. Every bright white light had masked to pink. "_ _That sound's about right." Be_ _fore any more desire-drenched words could be whispered Connor weighed down the others body, repaying the other by kissing him directly into oblivion_ _._

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

_Open up my eyes_

  
_I need your light again_

  
_Burning me inside_

  
_I need your love again (I'm yours again)_

 

_I can feel our hearts collide_

  
_I can feel our hearts ignite_

  
_Open up my eyes_

  
_I'm yours again_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys it would have a happy ending! Bless that ye' guys like this :3 <3~  
> Tysm for reading!
> 
> also fun little fact, the background for the cover image is the concept art for the Zen Garden but when I saw it, it was almost exactly what I pictured Connor's "Heaven" would be.~


	3. Asleep On His Death Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES I KNOW I SAID THAT ITS JUST A DRABBLE WITH (2) CHAPTERS BUT I JUST COULDN'T RESIST MAKING ANOTHER CHAPTER - LIKE AT ALL.
> 
> I HAVE (1) MAIN EXCUSE FOR WRITING THIS: THE SONG "DEATHBED" BY THERE FOR TOMORROW. NOW IM GONNA ADMIT... IN THE BEGINNING THIS WASNT GOING TO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING BUT! Butt, booty, arse, ass, BUT, i gave it one! So what could this chapter possible have? Both of our babs are happy right?...
> 
> yes.
> 
> yes they are.
> 
> buTT....I NEEDED MORE ANGST, HEAVY, DEEP, BRUTAL ANGST. That is shamelessly my 2nd excuse for continuing this. Anyway, I might expand on this and make it more than just a drabble tho no promises, we'll see if I get more inspiration and ideas. Until then, ENJOY!... OR DON"T CAUSE YOU MIGHT SOB. who knoWS~

                      

 

* * *

 

 

 

  _I'd hate to break it to you now_

 

  _But that reoccurring sound_

 

  _In your ear makes it perfect_

 

_Was it clear, my whole purpose?_

 

  _I'm just fine with or withoit_

 

_Having this inner selfish doubt_

_I'll fall hard_

 

  _You'll fall harder_

  
_I'm along_

 

_You're too startled_

 

_Break a sweat, desperate lover_

 

_Do you feel all alone?_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Heaven, 2062_

_December 8th, 5:32 PM_

 

 

 

_"What does dying feel like?" Connor chanced to query, counting this as quite the blessing that the revived billionaire was still answering his multitude of miscellaneous questions, spewing one after another. His lover was clearly fed up with this self-coordinated Q &A and yet he persevered through the exhaustion. Even so Elijah understood why. The night he had died was just the beginning of a miserable downward spiral for the deviant he called his. They were united after 12 years, Connor refused to let up._

 

 

"Well in my case... it wasn't painful. When the paramedics came to the house after I passed out I woke up about twenty minutes later to the sound of screeching sirens. That part wasn't pleasant, but I didn't really feel any pain. It was more so of being uncomfortable. I blacked out five minutes later..and well, the next thing I knew I'm suddenly here.' A sour chuckle tapped his throat that failed to fully come out, his core still battered from the shock and relief dancing together. Connor felt the same in that area.

 

Footing switching places on the ground the droid paced around. "No pain.. a peaceful departure. I'm.. glad." Sympathetic as ever Connor paused to roll strained shoulders. Clicking his tongue he abruptly turned around, a heavy drawn out expression reflecting on the waters. Elijah noticed this, his position under the tree still close enough to regard Connor's shift.

"As am I.. I'm aware lots aren't as fortunate as me when their time comes." Murders, onslaughts of unknown attacks, freak accidents, he'd viewed enough horrible events that it was entrenched inside his head so much it was indelible. "Too aware really." A second sour chuckle. Media eagerly covered tragedies like that as if it was a corrupt addiction for the ones broadcasting it.

Blinking slowly Elijah rose up, brushing off the gathering leaves and dirt from his pants.

As he did so Connor spoke up again, the shared silence short lived.

"Elijah?" Connor didn't glance up as he prompted, his eyes trapped on the waters, or maybe his own expression, Elijah couldn't tell.

"Yes Connor?" Both became apprehensive.

"How did you know I would come? Were you sure of it? What if.. I hadn't?" That's when he glanced up, eyes speaking stages of denial that still stood strong inside his brown dilated eyes. Those eyes were still missing something, Eli was certain of it. His dead lover was directly in front of him, body and all, however it didn't wipe away something that still ghosted him.

 

Elijah felt his vocal cords tangle themselves. "I wasn't sure of it truthfully. Everyday here, alone, 12 years, to me it didn't feel long at all. I suppose time might be different here. A single day may be a year on Earth. I haven't explored that possibility, but, the point is.. I really wasn't sure, but that didn't keep me from hoping." He was a man of many things, but hope and feeling confident of something that may be too good to be true wasn't one of them, so why did he do it? He hadn't explored that either.

A chunk of concern was chomped right out of Connor's heart, regurgitating the raw feeling into mush that filled his closing void. "I see.. so.. you weren't sure, but you waited anyway." Tender belief accompanying his tone. Elijah blinked slowly, pale skin vulnerably shining beneath heaven's holy glazing glare. A shrug there Connor swayed down to the water Kamski's eyes chasing after him. Connor looked so free. Like his old deviant self, frolicking on afterlife's ground with newly extended wings, carrying him through the celestial sky. Grass freshly bedewed Kamski followed in suit, fixing his black shirt that he worn, the slim-fit blazer no more his shoulders naked for the afterworld to see. He had applied a system that atomically re-dressed him every day along with resetting his health like hunger, thirst, energy and stamina, similar to that of a video game character's stats. Visually accurate was the key that Kamski took little time to fully spin and click.

Connor appreciated that system, eyes never sore from witnessing an alternate outfit. So fresh, handsome, everything. 

Arriving at Connor's side a dissociated puff of air pulled his lips. Connor's gaze was fixated on the water, the nostalgic fish thriving below the surface with heavy fin powered strokes. Something was bothering him Eli mournfully concluded. Connor had actively outright sought for happiness before his unseen passing, the feeling of joyous relief and never ending appreciation a miracle. With established emotions that shouldn't strike as strange. But it was evident that there was still an unnamed culprit impeding him from that former release. 

"Connor, are you sure you're alright?" No response, unexpectedly mute. Excluding the shy breezes slithering by the landscape kindly quieted. Bizarre.

"Connor, please." Elijah pried again, billows of clouds raising high and slowly fading away to introduce the backing bunch. Kamski balanced his words carefully, intentions more heartfelt than their long awaited connection. Red sketched his LED, bracelet matching. His was a stale yellow, thinking, praying for an answer that sorely came.

"Yeah.. I'm fine." Kamski didn't believe those words, head bobbing to indicate doubt, shaking no. "I hardly believe that, over the years I've come to learn that "I'm fine" was quite the lie because someone's... uninterested in sharing their issues. Why?"

Connor shoulders lifted looking like he was about to shrug, but it was a sign of tensing up, raising them into little bumps that did say 'I'm very uninterested in sharing what's exhausting me, what's quickly depriving me of living my life like we did mere months ago, before everything dreadfully changed.'

About to pry on with an adamant indurated tone like a higher authority bugging a child to come clean Connor interrupted him. "It's nothing."

A falsehood if he's ever heard one. "That's the second thing people usually say, you're not fooling anyone." The tensed-up shoulders stilled. Silence arrived again.

Elijah weighed his options on the tipping precarious scale, wandering eyes strictly sworn to the ground to neglect needed eye contact. It seemed even the deceased could still be so human when interaction demanded its manners. 

"If it was really nothing your face wouldn't look so crestfallen and your shoulders wouldn't be as tight as they are." Gaze dissecting Connor's blatant body language as his own shoulders shagged.

"Do you want me to stay here?"

There it was. The nail waiting to be shanked into the coffin to staple unforgettable words into the creaky surface, pinning down the top layer to the second, never to be opened again.

A blink. Two, three, and a dodgy exhale. "Connor what's this all ab-"

"Do you want me to stay here?" He iterated, sterner this time. He would fiercely chew off any words that weren't a direct answer if need be.

"I.." Heaven wasn't helping with his pause, rustling leaves shushing themselves up while the brightening sun rose higher and higher, enhancing said sunlight so every intrinsic feature that made up the human face was recognizable. The inventor furtively looked around. "Yes, I do."

Not a centimeter of the android's body relaxed at that. A warning sign ready to detonate. "I hardly believe that."

A sickening ping resounded in his chest. Was that a heart beat or dread?

"What's this all about?" he decided to repeat. God what he wouldn't do to have some leverage here. 12 years stripped away, one man in one dimension, one droid in another. Years apart. Maybe his lover didn't wait that long since time was fiddled with here, though that wasn't the point. Both had suffered drastically.

"You're hiding something from me." If his coin was preforming on his knuckles and had flipped that would be the accurate amount of time for Connor's shoulders to release. It looked good, like he was relaxing, but oh no it was worse. "When I said I wanted to stay here, I saw something on your face. Hesitation, fear, _something_. What was that?"

Too bad Elijah hadn't gone to the actual afterlife because if he had he'd be pleading God to help him. It was quite stupid of him to try to lie, that would descend things to the point of no return. He hated to break this to Connor. God, he did. His tongue dry and sweat falling.

"You're not actually dead, Connor. When I blueprinted the RK series I programmed them without the possibility of passing stress levels or self destructing. You are an investigation android, you shouldn't have that. But Cyberlife decided to fuck with it and give it to you anyway."

Connor squinted, LED singing red notes of impending doom.

"They followed everything on those blueprints except that. You breached your stress levels but..didn't exactly self destruct. You were so close though. All this time you've been on temporary shutdown. All anyone needs to do is reboot you, and you'd.."

Connor's eyes shredded him, down to bare bones and unguarded blood. "You'd wake up. You're not dead, I would know. Back in the Zen Garden you could see a gravestone if you died. Same thing here. If you had actually gotten.. incapacitated, a gravestone would appear."

Connor felt ill. His systems began roaring, growls of defenseless dread blowing out his eardrums. "Y-you, I'm not dead? I'm not _DEAD?"_

Elijah readied himself for the upmost worst, and he did that by giving Connor what he wanted. Vulnerable, pained eye contact and the betrayal called truth. "No you're not. That expression was guilt."

Another quick flip of that coin with the familiar _"ding"_ and Connor swallowed a slab of spit that compacted everything he hated. Feeling stymied by words, pain, frustration, confusion, it began battering him with incessant smacks.

**_"I could wake up? I could be torn away from you again? I could live another 12 years without you?! WITHOUT THIS?! WITHOUT US?"_ **

Kamski brokenly wrenched his eyes and attention away, suffocating himself with his own thoughts. The worse outcome and how he could urge it on, how he could make it reality. It was the right choice. The compilation of traitorous actions he partook in his life? So short and unexpectedly ended life? Redeeming himself by doing the _right_ thing for the one he verily _loved_? He had to do it.

"Do you even want me here?" Connor croaked, the reflection of that shrieking red reflected on the waters baring its teeth back at him. Incisors the size of his arm temptingly hovering over his neck, thirsty to snap it in two.

"Yes I do Connor! God you have no idea, god..you have no idea.." More water joined the river swishing below them, new tears stroking a cold hand down his cheekbones. "No idea.." Volume passing a whisper.

Connor's eyes were strained on him, they never fell, never faltered. He didn't want to go back to the monotony tragedy that was his life. He would be at God's behest if he granted him that bliss. But androids didn't get blessings did they? All they got was hatred and degradation. Even now with the revolution sailing.

"I can't leave you.. please." Connor's voice lessened with the aggression and birthed gentle pity. Pity that took a hand with desperation and shook it to seal the deal. To give him the new emotion called regret.

"Please let me stay here.." Connor approached Elijah, shoes that raked against the pavement so heavy on his systems, like taking a singular step was hiking up Heaven's stairs.

Previously hardwired without hesitation that's all he felt. "Please...don't make me leave." His agony alone pleaded for him to look, look him in the eye. In the eye and say more things that might dissolve his being. But he could take it. He had to. He despised lies and he wouldn't bare it from Elijah of all humans. _His_ human.

"Connor I never said you couldn't stay nor have to leave!" Elijah blurted out. Doing that was such an laborious feat on its own that a dizzy shake of his head and flexing of his fingers barely relinquished said piling tension. Volume vitiated at this point he proceeded with a withering expression. "You can stay here, I know you want to. I'm not going to simply push you away again." Emotional distress hijacking his earlier reasoning and thoughts. "Just, please listen to me. I didn't know _how_ or _when_ I should've told you."

Scrunched features projecting layering pain he nodded to Eli's words, slowly. Comprehending this like he was? How sad. His wiring tangled itself just like the other's vocal cords. Forcing himself on he repressed the scratching rigidity. "You're right.. you're right I'm sorry." An apologetic android. A first for both.

_Heels tapping anxiously he refocused and swayed away in the opposite direction. "I'm going for a walk." Swiftly dismissive to Elijah's chasing chagrin. Elijah blinked that fast blink that tended to happen when taking in things he couldn't stand to hear. "Right..alright. Just.. Don't get lost. I haven't explored the other locations yet." A smile that was in disinebriates was flashed before Elijah himself took his leave as well, fleeing from the sore events that had come upon them, and for the second time in 12 years, the two departed from each other in blind despondency. Only this time, it was on their own accord._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_I fell asleep on your death bed_

 

_  
In a hole in your head rests_

 

 

_I'm facing truth so unfamiliar_

 

_  
I'll just close my eyes and_

 

_  
Fall asleep on your deathbed_

 

_  
Can we be resurrected?_

 

_  
I'm facing truth so unfamiliar_

 

_  
I'm your saint, will you be my savior?_

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

_Heaven, 2062_

_December 8th, 7:32 PM_

 

_The rest of heaven was gloriously and aesthetically exquisite Connor proudly noted, prior unwelcome tensity washing away with each relaxed step. Connor's hazel hinted eyes that had perused the cluster of images that were classified under heaven that he decided to search up an hour ago had nothing on Elijah's version of the 'Silver city'. He now perched on a row of large boulders all connected at the hip allowing him a generous spot to fancy the extending slithering rivers wiggling down the forest's corners that gave way to new sections. New sections expecting to be explored._

 

Nature populated the majority of the land which was somehow comical for a man who had been a hermit when he was alive, shunning himself from outsiders in a bundle of blankets and an unhealthy amount of electronics surrounding him. At least the brightness was dim, the rich man was smart and cautious enough to not ruin his eyesight even more. His life revolved around it so precautions were immediate. Sometimes he had gone into Eli's room to wish him goodnight to already see him dozing off with crooked glasses, glossy but messy hair and a flickering screen illuminating his pale skin. Perfecting the art of silence was a talent he thanked many times, able to pluck the tablet or whatever had taken home on the man's lap away without issues. On rare occasions he'd shift and spook Connor but that was it, happily nestling back into slumber's hold. Surely he was tempted to join the other in bed though his excellency in being silent did have it limits.

Memories. Thousands began streaming in his head, a lovely theater dedicated to his reminiscing. A way of escape from the..argument. RA9 it still stung, festering that shoved regret down his throat. It wasn't too much that he would begin choking, but the amount was satisfied with making him gag. He metaphorically swallowed.

Focus on the things in front of you, permit yourself to the mercy of nature. To the mercy of the present. Another thing Eli taught him.

 

 

 

_"Remember to ground yourself. Sometimes we're so caught up with future plans or sometimes prior events that may have gone sour. Forget about those, let yourself blend into the moment." Softly smiling he had taken Connor's hand, running his thumb over his knuckles. Intimacy rung in the robot's heart and the close cue was set. White swallowed tan, tan obeyed and vanished slipping in the heartfelt chassis._

_"Fascinating."  Was all he had said. It funneled a blush to his cheeks. Warm, close, his._

_"See? We're in the moment..I'm only focused on you. This touch, the skin receding to what I'm touching now. This is what it means to be in the moment." His eyes closed. So vulnerable. To be sitting across from someone who had been criticized and even feared for years because he was discreet being so tantalizingly human.  
His thirium pump may as well explode where he nestled._

 

_"Yes. I understand." All too well._

 

 

The wise words spoken to him replayed in his head. Bare bliss. He let the words sink in and soon he no longer sensed the remaining tautness clamping him down. He uncoiled and let the wonders of nature serve him. The mixture of salt from the water and faint traces of different aromas emitting from the flowers supplied a strange smell. When he was activated back in August fall was emerging while summer bid its adieu's so the common summer smell that wafted through the city had already passed. Plus Connor was more trained on serving the DPD, not smelling the roses. So today was a first for this. A deep grounded inhale followed by a pleasant exhale. Yes just like that. Constructed lungs invited the unneeded air splendidly.

Then an unexpected twitch happened. It was far-off, like it wasn't his. It was though, obviously. He felt it, an unreal illusory twitch. A poke? Was his body alright? Had he inhaled too hard? Took in too much pollen? If so his sensors weren't detecting it. Maybe his lungs didn't favor the amount of air going in, not accustomed to this human thing called deep breaths.

A second twitch tickled him. He wasn't laughing. Strange, innominate, obscure. Can't he just have a moment of peace? An interval of serenity? Too much too ask?

A third twitch answered that by shaking his body furiously, involuntarily attacking him with shivers. To anyone it would look like Connor was having a small panic attack or he had been plopped in the great mountains of Antarctica to be smite down by the cold. The symptoms looked similar to an android without its pump, eyelids fluttering uncontrollably, body stuttering. During this Connor tried to shut up his systems and whatever the twitch had done to him but the stream of whatever it was wasn't so easily beaten. No extra time was wasted as the godlike environment began blurring out.

 

_Blurring in, out, in, out._

 

 

 

_Shaking, glitching, fading, vanishing. The racing rivers curling around the forests bends looked unbelievably hazy. Mother Nature's scent died a few shakes later,_ _his nose left with nothing to appreciate. His eyelids were fluttering so fast that Heaven's dislocating surroundings went away in strobes. Blink, black, gone._

_It raged on and on. Stutter, shake, blink, gasp, try, fight and fail._

_After the five minute mark it had knocked Connor out cold his body slumping onto his back, eyes staring lifelessly above, arms rolling to his side with a slightly agape mouth that still shivered, jaw jittery as if he was attempting to speak. It turned it, he was. The words that never had the chance to echo into the forest was._

 

 

_"Please no."_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_I always hoped to bring this down_

 

  
_Words exchanging all around_

 

  
_You spoke quick, I spoke faster_

 

  
_Take your pick, take mine after_

 

_But the time went ticking_

 

  
_And hearts went missing_

 

  
_It's not what I waited on_

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  _Heaven, 2062_

_December 8th, 8:20 PM_

 

 

_This wasn't right. Something wasn't right. Dread, doom, fear. The fear was the hardest thing to take in, the hardest thing to regard. Connor should've been back by now. Elijah's break had consisted of designing on his mini futuristic blue speckled tablet with the chorus of enthralled birds gliding through the air to share their songs in harmonious tweets. It was so amazingly good. It bettered the already lovely background with more character. That entire relaxing scene was now thrown out the window and crushed down to grains. Panic ensued and was wishing him a horrific time of distress. Things were so off it caused The Creator to put down his hollow glow-y pen and sit up after anxiously thudding his foot on the ground. He knew that his words hurt Connor. Denying that he didn't was ignorant and no matter the callous accusations that got passed around in the digital hellfire_   _that was today's media he was not ignorant in the slightest._

 

  Deep breaths. In and out, deep and shallow. He may not have working lungs anymore, or a heart, but he wouldn't just waste a tactic that actually assisted in calming his nerves dead or not. Frolicking between life and death he steadied himself as best as able and asserted himself. His lover always wanted the simpler, calmer things in life. That also involved places to calm down. The Zen Garden is where Connor would return. That wasn't the case anymore.

So where would his partner..

The forest. Calm, natural and _simple_. There was borrowing creatures, diving birds listening to their instinct and instinct alone, jumping amphibians, mystical-

He got the point as he concluded. The deviant had even gone in that direction, footsteps lasting until they cut off behind the tree's canopy. Elijah had wandered to a patch with a small hovering table (his own little corner in the expansive land he titled Heaven) to begin sketching random WIPs with the aforementioned crooning cardinals and joyous blue jays. Emotions, hiding them. Connor was so vulnerable at the time of the...unsavory events. Scared, actually scared. He didn't desire to jump back into the world of the living because for him..it wasn't worth it.

More realization.

Connor really didn't want to live at all did he? Connor had swarmed him with questions at the time of his arrival. He didn't have the opportunity to ask Connor how he had been doing all this time. All the 12 years apart. What.. had become of him? Elijah had been fine, he was torn yes. Torn into pitiful decaying shreds fading off into the winds currents, pushing him along, oozing his tears to sprinkle them over the land like sacred ashes. He had waited and waited until his patience was rewarded. But for how long?

That was the impossible trigger that fired Elijah out of his little corner and straight for the forest.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

  _Heaven, 2062_

_December 8th, 8:46 PM_

 

_Beyond disheartened Elijah called out for the tenth time, counting the only way to balance his trembling mind that never ceased to rack him cold as a newly nailed coffin. It was failing spectacularly by the way._

 

**"CONNOR WHERE ARE YOU?! GOD PLEASE!"** Another godless wail left unanswered. His non-existent heart was in splinters, leaving a bloody trail as his pathway curved upwards bringing him into the forest. A forest of nightmares now. He brutally fought the thought that Connor... was something. No, that Connor had been reactivated. That something woke him up. Someone.

The thought was torture. Mental torture not even the horror movies he had seen could outdo. Reactivation would transfer Connor's conscious, and once that was done then he would wake up and be back wherever he had shut down. Be gone, like that. An instant was all the world would take for him to be gone. Possibly forever.

**_"CONNOR DAMMIT WHERE ARE YOU?!"_   **Another unheeded yell. This was goddamn pointless. Yelling out into the world he created solely out of near-death horror where only two people resided where one was possibly gone? Why was he wasting his breath? Searching. Focus on that. Search till the end of times.

Small sticks snapped in annoyance under Kamski's steps that dragged him through nature's pathway, trickling rivers sploshing in the distant in sync with the rustling trees as they waved with the delicate gusts. It was intended to be peaceful. It was anything but peaceful now, footfalls scattering as he continued to scour the holy land. More time consumed him, a devourer that was undefeatable. He couldn't forget the thoughts that overran him at the time of the argument that returned.

The thoughts containing _"He needs to go back. Move on and live life to continue what he had so proudly started. It's whats best."_

It was too late for Eli to say any of that with the exposed emotions crumbling his words when he ultimately spotted something up ahead on a row of conjoined boulders overlooking a vast patch of the woods with a elongated river twisting across. A body laid on the massive rocks. Connor's body. The irrepressible fear whacked him like that impact sending him figuratively off his feet and straight onto his back severing it in two, spinal cord no more. Again, if he had a body with any human attributes let alone bones.

He could still feel pain though and Christ was he in undeniable and  _unfathomable_ pain that could've caused his second death. A massacre of twigs and leaves was left in ruins as Elijhah rushed over wasted gasps flying in and out, hands all over Connor in futile seconds the method of deep breathing inconsequential.

**_"HOLY SHIT CONNOR- FUCK NO NO NO!"_   **Roughly rolling him over he began shaking him wildly similar to how Connor had so frantically done 12 years ago when he was found on the floor, body motionless and fossilizing fast. Blood cold and skin getting colder. Minutes turned to an hour that godawful morning and he barely remembered any of it, consciousness hauling him in and out of reality. His own demise taking gear all the while completely unaware until he awoke here.

_"SHIT SHIT!" Eyes deliriously finding his LED it was deathly dull. No blooming blue, no aspiring yellow and no hurting red. That was it. It affirmed what Kamski knew he should've encouraged in the end but begged to prevent it, pleaded with frozen tears leaking down flush features. Connor had been reactivated by someone in the world of the living, and was gone. Perhaps forever._

 

_Again._

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_We both agreed that this was best_

 

  
_But I can't risk to lose my rest_

 

  
_I closed my eyes now you're well on your way_

 

  
_I bend and fold at your request_

 

  
_Now it's my time to take a step_

 

  
_I closed my eyes now you're well on your way._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coughs.
> 
> dont hate me.
> 
> hate my angst-filled imagination.

**Author's Note:**

> IS THAT ANGST I SMELL? MMM IT IS! This will have a happy ending! Chapter 2 coming your way~  
> -  
> Follow me on Instagram~  
> https://www.instagram.com/ri.li.vii/?hl=en


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